Life Rewards Love

I'm a fan of Billy Collins since I happened upon Nine Horses in a bookshop one afternoon. This is one of the poems from that book.

Aimless Love

This morning as I walked along the lakeshore,

I fell in love with a wren

and later in the day with a mouse

the cat had dropped under the dining room table.

In the shadows of an autumn evening,

I fell for a seamstress

still at her machine in the tailor's window,

and later for a bowl of broth,

steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.

This is the best kind of love, I thought,

without recompense, without gifts,

or unkind words, without suspicion,

or silence on the telephone.

The love of the chestnut,

the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.

No lust, no slam of the door -

the love of the miniature orange tree,

the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower,

the highway that cuts across Florida.

No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor-

just a twinge every now and then

for the wren who had built her nest

on a low branch overhanging the water

and for the dead mouse,

still dressed in its light brown suit.

But my heart is always propped up

in a field on a tripod,

waiting for the next arrow.

After I carried the mouse by the tail

to a pile of leaves in the wood,

I found myself standing at the bathroom sink

gazing down affectionately at the soap,

so patient and soluble,

so at home in its pale green soap dish.

I could feel myself falling again

as I felt its turning in my wet hands

and caught the scent of lavender and stone.

TO BE AND SIMPLY ALLOW

This post, first published in October somehow disappeared from my site so I am republishing it today, as I feel the insights experienced are valid and useful reading. If it's your first time reading this particular post it may be worth your while reading the posts preceding and following on from it, as I am writing and posting sequentially according to the evolution of my spiritual development.

TO BE AND SIMPLY ALLOW

When I wrote my last blog post, I had been through a disconcerting week of feeling stressed and angry to an extent which was quite out of character, and couldn’t really pinpoint the source of either condition. This state dissipated literally overnight – or, almost as soon as I’d finished writing the blog. As there really were no external factors warranting such anger and discomfort I realised I was in a state of ‘anger arising’, and experience has taught me that, at such times, I am to pay attention, as I am to receive a teaching. Pay attention I did, the result of this has been a deepened understanding of spiritual teaching and the integration into my daily life, of the guidance I have been receiving and which I hitherto hadn’t understood.

When it was communicated to me, that I am to be and not to do, to allow rather than achieve, and that I am here (in body, on Earth) to experience and enjoy rather than struggle and attempt, it didn’t really click deeply with me, until now. Since last weekend, I’ve made a shift in consciousness and understanding which affords me the opportunity to live a new paradigm. I posted the ‘stressed out’ post anyway, as I realise a lot of people live in this state of ‘overwhelm’ and it provides an interesting platform from which to proceed to this post.

One of the things I realised recently is that as spiritual beings living a human experience, the emotions we experience as humans, all of them, are not ours, they are humanitys, and we have elected to experience them. Each one of us, experiences the full range of human emotions which we mistake as our own, selecting and holding on to the most intense, thereby creating our life stories from a very limited palette. We are not our emotions and can let them go, by tuning into and electing to release each emotion in the moment. (See Hale Dwoskins Sedona Method for an effective releasing technique). The story of our life, is not our Life either, but an illusion we have created and continue to create as we filter experiences based on our incomplete palette of distorted memories, causing us thereby, to misrepresent ourselves to ourselves over and over. This of course, also causes us to regard others through our fantasies of them, rather than through perceiving a true impression of the other person, who in turn, is acting out a fantasy of themselves through their own misrepresentations ….As Deepak Chopra has said “We sacrifice Self to Self Image.”

As we are energy and light, and vibrate within the energy spectrum of the human race, in which web of tensile vibrations separation is but an illusion, we tune into others emotions as well as our ‘own’.* Now, I’ve realised all of the above at various levels over the years – that our external reality is a projection of our internal world I learned through photography and psychotherapy and through studying to be a coach. Through studying energy healing and shamanism I learned of multidimensional existence and the fact that WE ARE ONE in Reality. For years I’ve been trying to understand the spiritual teaching that the whole universe is inside me, and this understanding is also deepening with me. I’m fortunate to have wonderful experiences of being in the present, ranging across a wide spectrum - from the deeply profound experience of the bliss of total Divine Love, to appreciating the beauty of a tree shaking off a shower of golden leaves instantly bringing me fully into the present moment. Being present to ones Presence is full of grace and deeply powerful.

Learning recently of, and beginning to practice Ho’oponopono has taken my understanding to a new state of peaceful empowerment and letting go.

The following brief explanation of Ho’oponopono is from an article by Joe Vitale:

“Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients – without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate’s chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.” The author Joe Vitale, then met with the therapist Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len to ask how he had achieved such results (all of the violent, criminally insane patients were cured, released, and the ward closed!). “This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: What were you doing within yourself that caused these people to change?”

“I was simply healing the part of me that created them,” he said. I didn’t understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.”

“Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life. This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy or anything you experience and don’t like – is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

“I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realise that healing for him and in Ho’oponopono means loving yourself.

“If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone, even a mentally ill criminal you do it by healing you.

“I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?

“I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again’ he explained.

“That’s it?

“That’s it.

“Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world.” […] “Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you. When you look, do it with love.”*

Regarding oneself with love and compassion, and forgiving ourselves for all the attacks we have made on ourselves and our inner child will heal not only us but the people in our lives in whom we see our pain reflected. This leads to a heightened sense of compassion not only for ourselves, but for everyone we encounter, as we understand that we share their pain, their hopes their joy and their fears.

This teaching, which I don’t fully understand logically, but intuitively understand completely, has allowed me to relax and trust and become softer in my approach to myself and others.

I also realise that all I want to achieve will come to me. I don’t need to strive ‘out there.’ All I need to do is treat myself with self love and compassion through Ho’oponopono, practice Chi Kung, Tai Chi, and meditate, gently creating my intentions and allowing opportunities to manifest. As everything already resides inside me, it’s that simple.

---

* (Turns out someone I work closely with had been having panic attacks for the duration of the time I was stressed out, so I did some work for him using the Hawaiian technique of Ho’oponopono which seems to have worked. I didn’t mention anything to him but the day after I started work for him he came in free of an attack and yesterday reported they seem to have completely left him. Great!)

* For a fuller version of this article see http://hooponopono.org

TO BE AND NOT TO DO, THAT IS THE QUESTION?

This is a dilemma I face. I want to save the world, I wanna do interesting stuff, but I put myself under so much pressure, between what I have to do and what I want to do, that I end up riding an emotional rollercoaster re all of it, thereby becoming less effective. I find myself facing resistance re being in the moment with whatever I am doing, and with taking time out to simply be. Even meditation, that holy practice of Being as ones divine self, becomes another something to be factored in.

Thinking outside of the moment, rather than being in the moment causes confusion – there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to pursue everything, and I don’t want to give up on my plans for anything, because that would, to me, mean giving up on my dreams and stagnating. Of course, I can plan to time-manage, but everything takes up so much time, and needs so much time, that this, in itself, becomes difficult.

Unless I am actively: putting in the preparation for classes, at work teaching, doing admin etc., preparing workshops/coaching sessions, or coaching clients, doing the housework/gardening, spending time with my daughters and catering to their needs (which usually seem to involve financial outlay!), I feel guilty.

Being on the internet, or on Twitter or watching TV feel like indulgences I have to justify to myself, even though these practices are necessary on so many levels and stimulating to my work.

I also feel less than when I don’t practice Tai Chi and meditate, or work on the book I haven’t worked on for ages yet know I need to complete because it’s important to me to create and will hopefully be of benefit to others.

For instance, my plans for today were to: make sure I practice Chi Kung and Tai Chi, write a new blog, formulate the three questions I’ve been invited to ask Steven Pressfield (these are coming to me), make a Still Life photograph as a wedding present for my niece and work on my classes for next week. Housework, children and gardening don’t even feature, neither does writing my book – oh, and making arrangements to see friends doesn’t figure here either. I have to try to squash all this into today, because I’m busy for the next 6 days. (It’s late now as I re-read this and I haven’t managed half of those).

Thrown into this mix, is the emotional flotsam and jetsam. One day, my most desired longterm plan, appears to be eminently achievable. Sure I can do that, I think with clarity and feel with calmness. Yep, I visualize, that’s me, right there, doing that – no problem. The next day, I may think I’m crazy and the “Who the hell do you think you are?” thoughts weigh in, and I believe them. All the arguments against me being the one to undertake such a project line themselves up, presenting their arguments rapidly and effectively.

This ping ponging is not good for my self confidence and makes me cranky.

Although I’m lucky enough to have a job which interests me, I feel frustrated when there’s so much else I want to do. This transition stage where I’ve got to juggle EVERYTHING in order to move from where I am to where I want to be (doing other, more important things - saving of world etc. activities to which I want devote my time and energy) takes a lot of effort and energy.

To quote Gloria Steinem inexactly:

'most recently feminism is not about being able to ‘have it all’ but rather, not having to ‘do it all.’

One of the questions which popped into my mind as I read The War of Art, Steven Pressfields great book on the topic of RESISTANCE (the condition warrants capital letters) was whether Mr. Pressfield would have been able to devote himself to successfully devoting himself to his writing above all else if he had been raising children as well. To quote Cyril Connolly in “Enemies of Promise”, “There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.”

For myself, I could endure certain periods of near starvation if necessary to achieve my aims (done it before!), but, once there are children in the mix, their comfort has to come first and that means a stable financial income. As teenagers, they won’t actually realise they (have always been) are comfortable now until they’re raising children themselves; being teenagers they tend to feel hard done by, mostly!

Underlying all this though, there is a steel cable, quietly zinging as it vibrates, reminding me of my core strength and the resolve which has helped me to survive enormous challenges throughout my life. So, despite Ego led cavalcades of Self Doubt I will succeed, however, because I’ll be too damn annoyed with myself if I don’t. Having thought about, and worked for so many years building the foundations for my vision, with ancient stone and modern technique, I will not fail. I’ll find a way and the universe will have no choice but to help me.

This, however true, comes from my ’need to achieve’ attitude and, while my desires come from a spiritual intention of service (as well as a self serving need to live an interesting and meangful life), my guides (through shamanic journeying) answer me, when I ask for guidance re work and purpose that ‘I’m here to be and not to do’, that “I’m not here to achieve, but to allow” and that Life is for experience and enjoyment, and not for work, pressure and production. So, Mr. Pressfield, what can they mean? Are there Muses above muses, in a hierarchy in which those more wise in the ways of Reality warn of loss? Of losing ourselves to functionality, however creative and well intentioned; of sacrificing our birthright of Being? This begs the question: how can we balance our need to create and produce, to ‘move to a higher sphere’, without forfeiting the sacred gift of being and allowing? Do we somehow have it all wrong and are we becoming merely functionaries to the expectations of modern cultural mores, buying into the illusion but ultimately risking the exchange of one treadmill for another?

While the answer is to be in the present moment at all times, that, my friend, is a state of being I haven’t yet got the handle of….

A few days later….have already ‘received’ answer from the universe and am living a new paradigm – read same in next blog I post….

RESISTING RESISTANCE!

Oh my poor head!  It’s been a whole week – 8 days in fact – since I got the flu and I’m still not well.  Tomorrow, I return to my day job, as opposed to my entrepreneurial venture (neither of which I’ve been able to tend to), and still don’t really feel up to the challenge of meeting and greeting lots of First Year students embarking on their new career.  I also missed last weekends Tai Chi workshop, the first of my second year on the teacher training course, which is so good for me and which I was looking forward to.

 

Tai Chi, of course, is about energy management, or mastery – packing our bodies full of energy for physical protection and nourishment, and raising our energy levels for emotional peace and spiritual attainment.  This is so beneficial, clearing trauma from our bodies and psyches, and removing the blocks which hamper the expression of our unique creativity and purpose.

 

The week before I ‘came down with flu’ I felt so good practising Tai Chi and Chi Kung with friends.  We spoke of how great the energy was and how we were feeling.  I remarked that we needed to remember these moments of peace, wellness and fulfillment in those other moments, the ones that don’t feel so good, when we feel down and flattened and self doubt goes on the attack.  I had good reason to remember those moments in the past week, when I felt too unwell to do anything and the familiar ‘baddies’ whispered “shoulds” to me, and, “you always”,”you never”, “you’ll never”, “this is typical of you” etc., When clarity left and confusion tried to take over once more.  While I did a fair amount of beating myself up, I also reminded myself of my achievements, and that this low level condition would pass, my energy would rise again and soon I’d re-enter the opposite state of feeling good, capable, and would optimistically move forward once more. 

 

Everyone experiences change, both externally and internally.  Cycles are a natural phenomena (just look at our global economic boom and bust pattern if you need to see proof), the main thing is to keep focused on what we want and keep chipping away on moving towards what is best for us, knowing we will encounter setbacks along the way.  When, during an energy slump during the week, the voice of my internal saboteur asked accusingly “What have you done with the past decade of your life? Huh!” I found myself, after a moment of succumbing to the negative aspects of the accusation, compiling a healthy list of rich experiences, obstacles overcome and a determined campaign towards creating the life I want to live.

 

ü Helping my husband through cancer.

ü Getting out of bed and going to work everyday after my husband, my best friend, and another very close friend died within months of one another.

ü Discovering that death is merely another transition and deepening my awareness of the Divine.

ü Learning for sure, that we are all supported at all times.

ü Raising two children single handedly.

ü Making a success of the Full Time Photographic Studies course I founded.

ü Helping to transform the lives of others both through the course and my life coaching work.

ü Studying Shamanism, energy healing, EFT, Chi Kung and Tai Chi

ü Achieving First Class honours on a post graduate course in Integrative Psychotherapy studies at UCC followed by a Diploma in Life Coaching.

ü Buying our family home, selling it and buying a better one near a town where I didn’t know anyone.

ü Making several trips abroad alone with the children, including two weeks in Jordan.

ü Attending numerous workshops on various topics, all with a view to running transformational workshops in Ireland and abroad.  My dream is to run a transformational centre in Europe, possibly in France, where people seeking the skills to change their lives will pay to mix holidays with learning and self exploration.  This in turn will fund people with cancer and their families, or the surviving members of a family affected with cancer to come along for a free, or subsidised holiday, to mix with others in a supportive and fun environment, in order to recover from their trauma and realise that good things can also happen to them.

ü Meeting great people who are bravely committed to discovering and expressing the most authentic aspects of themselves.

 

Looked at in this light, I’ve achieved a lot over the past decade.  My children have another three years at school and I’m now paving the way for the next phase of the plan – the transformational centre abroad.  This doesn’t mean I’m immune to those voices which beset us all – I have learned though, to hear them and counter their attack, reminding myself that they don’t speak the truth – that I am the one who decides what is true and possible, and that I have the support of Divine Intelligence and Love on my side.  The more I accept that, the more I allow it to help me overcome the dreaded voices of Resistance – in the immortal words of Steven Pressfield:

“RESISTANCE ONLY OPPOSES IN ONE DIRECTION

Resistance obstructs movement only from a lower sphere to a higher.  It kicks in when we seek to pursue a calling in the arts, launch an innovative enterprise, or evolve to a higher station morally, ethically, or spiritually.

  So if you’re in Calcutta working with the Mother Theresa Foundation and you’re thinking of bolting to launch a career in telemarketing…relax.  Resistance will give you a free pass.”

 

“The first duty is to sacrifice to the gods and pray them to grant you the thoughts, words, and deeds likely to render your command most pleasing to the gods and to bring yourself, your friends, and your city the fullest measure of affection and glory and advantage.

-       Xenophon, The Cavalry Commander’

 

Both above excerpts from The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

 

Jason Chan, an inspiring spiritual teacher with whom I have the privilege of studying, also counsels on the hazards of the path of Enlightenment; the higher our spiritual aspirations, the more our Ego will seek to deter and detract us from our task.  In his experience, the path of commitment to a higher level of spirituality is a revolution rather than an evolution.  It must be consciously undertaken and requires great courage.  His book The Radiant Warrior is an informative and inspiring guide which offers great support to those seeking liberation.

So, everyone experiences Resistance; whether we want to tone our abs or save the world, as sure as the gravitational pull of the Earth keeps us from floating into space, we will hear those voices attempting to drag us down to prevent us from progressing with our goals.  Our best defence is to be on the lookout for these destructive marauders and, once we become aware of them, to relegate them to their proper function of protecting us from stepping out in front of oncoming traffic or over the edge of real, live, as opposed to imaginary, cliffs!

 

VIVE LA DIFFERENCE!

 

 

This particular post brings together two loves of mine, one   enormous intrinsic interest being personal freedom, the second, lesser love being France.

 

The following comes from an article by Debra Ollivier, an American living in France and concerns her observations regarding cultural differences between women of American/Anglo-Saxon heritage and French Women, who are regarded as being in a class of their own.

 

She moved to spend a year at the Sorbonne in her early twenties after reading Jean Paul Sartre who declared “L’enfer, c’est les autres!” (Hell is other people) a sentiment which she wholeheartedly embraced at the time.  She became mesmerised by French women:  “They were a sensual and resilient counterpart to the one-size-fits-all beauty standard advocated around me, and seemed to make an art form out of ennui….their sophistication seemed wrapped up in the way they diverged from the aggressively sunny imperatives of “happy”.  She noticed that they had a “defiant sense of self-possession that was somehow sexy in and of itself …..a certain “je ne sais quoi” and “inhabited their own worlds so completely that I might have been from another planet.  My smiles were greeted by a frosty reception, or often returned with a look of placid indifference.  I got the distinct feeling that my sunny Californian demeanour was a mortal faux pas.” 

 

“If hell is other people, I thought, these women don’t seem to care what other people think of them at all.  News flash:  They don’t.”

 

She goes on to say it took her years to actually absorb this insight “that the seeds of the French woman’s defiant and sexy self-possession are rooted in girlhood, and all tangled up in the cruel machinations of youth.  Consider the contrast:  Indeed, one of the first pressures bearing down on American girls is the pressure not only to be liked but to be like everyone else.  This seminal feat of self-transformation often invloves loosening one’s grip on that quiet sense of inner self and hitching one’s wagon to a single standard of beauty and behaviour.  The stress of that effort insinuates itself into the young heart and soul with a vengeance, and insecurities go from being hard little buds of confusion to overripe, tyrranical fruits that hang on the vine as we age.”

.

 

Ollivier goes on to state that the opposite attitude is fostered in France, individualism is hailed, cloning and conformity of behaviour considered suspect.  The concept of Jolie-Laide, the French term for “ugly-pretty” honours striking looks above tame prettiness.  “The allure of a jolie-laide woman lies in her imperfections, and in the way her inner life informs her outer beauty.  It is the anti-thesis of perfection, because perfection is boring.”

 

Oh! What liberation!  While, for the most part, we have been spared those Little Princess beauty pageants so plaguing young America, the concept of jolie-laide could do with a bit more press worldwide.  As for not giving a fig for the opinions of the general population, how much more powerful would we Irish women be if we eschewed the contradictory assertive male/aggressive female attitude we unconsciously uphold.

 

This lack of respect for the concept of needing to be liked by everyone is a very powerful one.  A friend of mine recently described a French Vice-Mayoress who she came across at an International conference.  She said that this particular woman raised the hackles of a number of the women in her (UK) entourage.  My friend admired the woman, who, she felt, wore her power very effectively.  She voiced the opinion, that the women attending the conference would have had no problem at all with a man displaying the same attitude as the passionate and powerful Madame.

 

Debra Ollivier reveals that the movie He’s Just Not That Into You bombed in France.  Co-author Liz Tucillo (who also writes for Sex and the City) went to France to investigate.  She discovered that when a French woman comes across a man who’s not that into her she simply moves on, without needing a book or movie to figure it out.  She simply doesn’t give a damn.  “Adieu, next!”  Tucillo was told the key to French womens self possession by a French woman:

 

 “You have to love yourself. You have to know who you are.”

 

Which prompted Tucillo to reply “If I could, I would have an operation to become a French woman.”

 

I wish I’d paid more attention to French women when I spent a lot of time in France in my late teens, early twenties.  Ollivier herself said it took her years to figure it out.  Personally I think the key is to know and love oneself, to desire to love and be loved, but not to take things personally.  There are some people you just won’t like, and some who simply won’t like you.  If I don’t like you, it’s my stuff, and if you don’t like me, it’s well, yours.  You can still like you and I can still like me.

 

I gave my children the benefit of my experience and personal exploration by allowing them a very long rein.  They had to discover exactly who they are, in order to know themselves, have a high level of self respect, and to allow me to know them and them know me.

 

They are confident and friendly, have excellent social skills, and are philosophical about rejection, quickly processing matters and moving on.

 

As they are still in their mid-teens, they run with the flock rather than the wolves yet, but I so look forward to meeting the women they will become.